Bold New Goals

Episode #7

2020 is here and it is time to dream big for the new year! No matter what your past year looked like there is something valuable from 2019 that you can carry with you into the new year. In this episode we talk about the importance of reflecting on the past without judgement and dreaming big for the future.


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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Ashley
Welcome to rise up and shine. We are two women at different stages of life who have overcome feeling stuck, and are now living life fully with peace and joy. Join Us Weekly for a real raw and faithful conversation about our trials and triumphs, bringing hope insight and weekly tips that you too can rise up and let your light shine bright.

Hi, friends welcome back. Claudine and Ashley here. So I hope you all enjoyed a fabulous Christmas with your families and loved ones or friends. And we are excited to start another episode today. So Claudine, now that 2019 is nearing the end, how do you feel about beginning a new year?

Claudine
Actually, I’m really excited about it. I love this time of year. I love reflecting on the past year really looking at my achievements and victories and also looking at things that I could tweak a little bit. And then spending some time intentionally planning the things I want to accomplish next year.

Ashley
Do you do New Year’s resolutions?

Claudine
No, I don’t do resolutions. I stopped that a long time ago because I ended up usually not making them happen. And then I would feel guilty and shameful about it. But I do have goals and I have dreams. We talked about dreams and I have dreams like this coming year and 2020 we really want to go to Europe for a month. So that’s a dream goal. Yes. Start goal dreaming and making a goal okay. And and of course I have business goals, I have things I want to accomplish in my business. So I’m working on those goals as we speak.

Ashley
This time also, I feel the same. I look back at the year how it went how I did you know just even feeling emotionally? How was I as a mom, how is I as a wife, and I I like to look back and just reflect on what goals I did reach from the previous year, am I becoming more of who I wanted to be because that was a big goal for me last season is I I wanted to grow as a person, especially emotionally and mentally. And I look back and I see the victory in that, you know, so that’s an exciting time. Definitely, if there’s things that I see I can grow in, you know, continue to grow and and get better at and always being open to that, you know, not feeling ashamed that I’m not where I want to be. And also not being too proud that no, I don’t need to change anything right now. But having that humility and just look back, like, really in myself. Am I happy with my parenting? Am I happy in my marriage? Am I am i doing my due diligence, you know, am I being who I want to be? am I showing up for my family how I want am I showing up for myself how I want, you know, and so and then it gets me excited this time of year to start thinking about the next year, you know, and funny thing I don’t know about you. But in December, I’m like I’m ready for goals. You know, I don’t typically do the quote unquote, New Year’s resolutions. But I do start thinking about or I start dreaming really I started dreaming about the year to come. And just having that growth mindset I look to the next year with more excitement. And what is possible.

Claudine
Yes. And I love that. And again, I’m not against goal setting or planning for sure. But the resolutions thing for me, it always seemed to start on January 1. And then typically by January 10, I had already fallen short. So it was very discouraging. So I think having year long goals, I broken things down more across 12 months instead of trying to do things in one month or two weeks. And that’s been super helpful. But I love what you said about reflecting on the past. And you and I were talking earlier about your conversation with one of your clients about setbacks. And really, sometimes people can look back at the year and feel really discouraged. But I love that you’ve helped teach your clients that a setback is really a growth opportunity and to be able to look at Hmm, what did I accomplish this year that I would have liked to have accomplished and really examine and explore with curiosity not with judgment, but to explore. Why didn’t I make this happen? Was it activity on my par? Was it life circumstance? Are there many reasons some that are out of our control, and some that are completely within our control why we didn’t reach our goals, but it’s really helpful to have a good understanding of why we didn’t meet those goals so that when we go forward, we have a better chance of achieving our goals the next time around.

Ashley
Definitely it got me thinking about the word failure. So I did not have a healthy diet. Definition of failure, I looked at failure as a bad thing, right, you know, a very negative thing. But I’ve been doing a lot more reading research talking with other people who helped pull me higher. And the same thing rings true for all of them is that failure is Steps to Success. That’s right. Failure is growth opportunities, failures, learning opportunities, right. And failure is not something to be afraid of, you know, I mean, you just pick yourself back up, and you try something different, or I make a slight change or redirect yourself. But failure isn’t something that is scary. It shouldn’t be this giant Goliath in our life, which that’s how I lived, you know, I was so afraid of failure. And we talked about that in a previous episode, that I did not even attempt certain goals, because I was afraid I would fail, you know, or the imposter syndrome, I was afraid that if I did succeed, and then people are gonna find out that well, I’m not really good at that. Or, you know, a lot of that fear was wrapped around that term failure, right, having a healthier perspective on what failure is and seeing the bright side of failure and using that as motivation to Hey, it’s not a setback, it’s not a failure. It’s, it’s an opportunity for me to learn more to grow. And it still steps to reach a goal doesn’t mean that I’m back where I started, it’s I’m still making steps towards the goal.

Claudine
I love that perspective. And it’s funny you say that, because last year, I was working with a business coach. And I set some really crazy big goals, things that I have never accomplished before. And I really went after him this year. Unless a miracle happens in the next week, I probably won’t reach it. But here’s the thing, I reached a higher level of success than I ever had before. So putting out those big, almost impossible goals and reaching farm and working towards them was great, actually, because I ended up achieving more than I ever had before, even though I didn’t achieve the big goal that I had set before me. So it’s actually kind of a win win. I don’t feel bad, I feel great about what I have accomplished. And now I have enough knowledge. Like you said, I have enough knowledge, though. Okay, where could I have changed a few things? What could I have tweaked to reach my goals? So I’m really excited about next year setting an another big impossible goal, and really going after that one.

Ashley
So as I mentioned earlier, this month I started dreaming about next year, you know, 2020, it’s been 20 years since I graduated high school. And sometimes I look back and what did I really accomplished in those 20 years, but I’ve grown so much as a person, but I really am dreaming big and even bigger than I have in the past, you know, about the next year because I think everything I’ve learned, I’ve seen the growth, I’ve seen the possibilities that can happen. That’s right, and just changing my mindset, and just seeing what is possible, you know, like some things that feel impossible can still be possible. And so this year, I just have so much more excitement about dreaming for 2020, that I’ve already started writing down some of my dreams, you know, and then some of those things are what I want to turn into actual goals to try and attain this year.

Claudine
So Ashley, how would you make a difference between a dream and a goal? How do you define the two? Or how do you distinguish the between the two?

Ashley
Well, dreams, I think they’re like wild horses, you know, they just run wild, like, use your imagination bigger, the better. You know, I mean, you just have these wild and crazy dreams. But they become goals when you pick one. And you actually take steps to go after that. Okay, no. So a dream is something that you just would love to have or love to be you know, or love to do in your lifetime. But to make it a goal is to be intentional to take steps and work hard to make it happen. Not just oh, I would love to do this one day, but actually start taking steps and get it done.

Claudine
That makes so much sense. Because if you just dream we never get anything done.

Ashley
And that’s how I live my life. I had a lot of dreams. I was the dreamer. I don’t know if you’ve seen tangled is one of my favorite Disney movies. But there’s that song I have a dream right? I have a dream and it’s these rugged, you know, scary men that are playing this musical song and they’re talking about these dreams, you know, that do not match what they look like on the outside. But it’s true. We all have dreams we all have do. And I lived in this world of imagination. Like I would love to have, oh, I would love to do that or I would love to go there. But I never really believed I could. I never believed that I would actually get to do some of those things and some of the dreams that I had. have now for my next year I never even dreamed of before. They’re brand new, you know, so one of them is actually a 10 K, I’m gonna be signing up for a 10 K to do on Super Bowl Sunday, which I’m really excited about three months ago, I hated running. Yeah, it was not in my normal routine. A month ago, I was running maybe two miles. And you know, I’d come back home and I just felt burnt out, Oh, my gosh, I was not equipped for that type of a run. But this morning, I got up and I’ve been training my body. And I’m just feel encouraged to do this 10 K is just a dream I have that now is a goal. Because I’m taking steps, right, I’m signing up, I’m training myself. And I ran over five miles over five and a half miles, I was so excited because I never would have dreamed of doing a run, I never would have dreamed of signing up for a 10 K, even in another year in 2021, I would like to sign up for a half marathon. That was never in my wildest dreams, anything I wanted to do, let alone believed I could actually do. But I’m so excited that I this dream is brand new, but I’m deciding I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna make it a goal, like, I’m gonna train and I’m gonna do it. Why not?

Claudine
Why not? That’s a great question. Why not? So let’s talk a little bit more about goals and habits. So a goal is a desired result. It’s something that we want to achieve.

Ashley
So then how important are goals? So how important are habits in order to reach our goal?

Claudine
Well, that’s a great question. Because people can confuse goals with habits, but they’re definitely different. Like, I have a goal in 2020, to write a book. So my habit needs to be daily writing, or at least a consistent time of writing the book is not going to write itself. And the goal without habits isn’t going to be accomplished either. And for you, you made a great point, just running a half a 10 K or a half marathon, if you don’t have the habit of running consistently, you are not going to achieve your goal. Like I can have a goal to run a 10 K, but it’s not going to happen because I don’t have a habit of running. But I can say safely that that is not one of my dreams. I’ll let you keep that dream all to yourself.

Ashley
Okay. Yeah, that’s so true. Because, you know, if I signed up for a 10 K, but I never ran, that it’s I’m not gonna wake up that morning of and be okay, I’m ready, I’m ready to run this 10 K, you know, I got it, I got it, it’s in the bag, that’s just not gonna happen. You know, we need to develop healthy habits that are consistent, consistency is huge. And we do that on a daily basis to build up our training, built up our endurance and keep us motivated and working hard in order to make that goal a reality. You know, because that’s essentially a goal is making a dream, a reality that’s pulling from our list of dreams and deciding, you know, I think I want this stream to actually happen in my life, and I’m gonna work towards this. And I want it’s going to happen.

Claudine
That’s exactly right. And I think our habits, not only do they have to be specific, they need to be realistic. I mean, if I did choose to run a half marathon, like you, I it would be unrealistic for me to say, I’m gonna run five miles, I haven’t run ever. So it would not be realistic for me. But I could start by walking around the block, I could start by running one block, that’d be realistic, and then I have a better chance of succeeding.

Ashley
Yeah, definitely. We can’t kind of bite off the whole thing. You know, I mean, we got to slowly make those baby steps. And I think about what about Bob, one of our favorite movies in my family, but it’s baby steps, right baby steps to the elevator, baby steps to the door baby steps, which is still victory, you know, I mean, it’s not like, okay, I want to do this. And I did do this in the past, I would have this goal or this dream. And I would make it into a goal. I’d try to, you know, do my best to start actually making it happen and taking those steps, but I would stop myself because I would, you know, I was afraid of failure. And I would think, Well, I’m not there yet. So I guess it’s not meant to be you know, and goodness sakes, with social media nowadays. Talking last week about how beautifully decorated these houses are. I found myself again Even this morning, I had to stop scrolling through because all I’m seeing are these perfectly clean houses, perfectly White Houses, beautiful decorated trees. I even had this conversation with my children. I said you guys are lucky that you get to decorate the tree because some people like to have their Christmas tree in their home look like in a mall you know, like perfectly right? All the bulbs perfectly spaced, the ribbon twirled around the tree, everything proportional and I thought you know what? When I go through social media, that is definitely a struggle of mine. It’s like, wow, that’s gorgeous. And I feel that kind of like sinking feeling down in my heart. But then I’m like, you know what, one of my favorite memories growing up was being able to decorate the tree, none of our ornaments match. They’re all from years old, which is also really nice, because they’re our history right from our family, it’s ornaments we accumulated, but the fact that the kids get to decorate the tree, it’s such a special time for them, right? That I get to help provide. And I need to kind of take back that mindset, like, it’s not about how perfectly proportioned or how beautiful is decorated, it’s about the memory and about the kids being able to do something like that. So then I would end up self sabotaging myself when I set out for any kind of goal. And now with social media, you have people’s lives and their achievements plastered in your face, you know, as much as we allow it. But it You see, in comparison, where they are versus where I am, you know, and I’m sure many of us feel that it’s when we see those perfectly decorated trees, or we see that, you know, they succeeded at this, or even one of them is this person wrote a book, their very first book, I almost feel envious, because that’s one of my dreams, I would love to write a book. And I, I find myself seeing where I’m not, you know, where they’re just so much more capable, you know, they have the skill, or they have the time or they have the money, or they you know, they’re just able to achieve that in their life. And I just feel, I guess it’s not meant for me, you know, I guess it’s not gonna happen, I don’t have all those abilities, or you know, the finances right now, or, you know, yada, yada, whatever. I mean, the thoughts just go on and on in my brain.

Claudine
And as we’ve talked before, that’s where it starts, it starts in our thoughts. And if you’re thinking those thoughts, or if any of us are thinking those thoughts, then we’re not going to have the emotions to carry us forward to take the action, even do those habits. I mean, I’m not going to sit down and write a chapter of my book, if my thought is, what’s the point, I’m never gonna get this done. But if I think step by step, I can make this happen, then writing a chapter will feel like a victory might not be the whole book, but it’s a victory. And I think about that, quote, you know, the race isn’t to the swift or the strong pit to those who endure. And I have to it’s things like that, that like, me, yeah, I need to hear things like that, like step by step, baby steps. It’s not perfection, but progress, daily progress, and we’ll get where we want to be. But focusing on the big goal, and thinking we need need to be there immediately, is defeating, like even seeing a perfect Christmas tree or perfectly clean house. Those are both possibilities for us. But there’s a lot of baby steps that have to get us there.

Ashley
I’m still working on that. Now I like what you’re saying. Because when I didn’t have a goal, and I, you know, every new year comes around and I start dreaming about the year I write them down. But I never really intentionally went after and made them a goal. I did notice at the end of the year that things just did just naturally kind of happen, which was great. But I know there could be so much more. And so even with starting to run, I started to run about eight, nine months ago. And very inconsistently. It was not a routine, it was not a daily habit. But I did it because I knew it was good for my health and for my brain and coming out of depression. That was one of the tools I use that I need to move my body because it will help me manage that depression and really helped me get out because I pushed past how I was feeling even physically, right. And I felt like I really can’t do it. Like I just don’t feel like I’m tired. I don’t have the energy. I don’t even want to get out of the house. I don’t want to put on jeans or any running pants. I don’t you know, I just want to be on my pajamas all day long. But I was really adamant to get out of that place that I was in. And now that I started running again in the beginning was inconsistent. But when I decided last week, I think I want to run I think I want to do a run and I was contemplating over the Thanksgiving break. Do I want to do a five k do I want to do a half marathon? No, no half marathon? If it has the word marathon in it? Absolutely not. That’s not in the cards for me. But I thought well at 10 K, okay, how many miles is that? Oh, that seems a bit more than I could do. I don’t think I could do that. But I was kind of still dreaming. It was almost this dream that was developing inside of me. It was really bizarre because like I said, I didn’t really like running but for whatever reason. It was more like I wanted to challenge myself. I want to do something that I never would have ever thought was possible or never even dreamed of doing like Ashley running really like that’s not in my Mo. So it, it just was stirring inside of my heart that I want to challenge myself. And so the last couple weeks, I was starting to run more consistently, depending on the weather if I was able to because we’ve been getting rain, which is great, but I started started growing, you know, when I decided, Okay, it started growing. And when I would be out on my run, you know, it’s like, okay, I was able to do two miles. And then I kept doing it. And then I felt like, you know, I can go a little bit more, I’m gonna try and do a little bit more. And I would run a little bit more, maybe an extra block, you know, and then I was kind of just getting my body used to that. And but I felt like, I wanted to challenge myself, I this is becoming a new goal. So why not, you know, why not try and do it?

Claudine
Well, and I think that’s a great point. I do think goals should challenge us. They really should. That’s how we grow. That’s how we learn. That’s how we experience life to the full. Otherwise, we’re just comfortable and safe. And I do believe that God does want to give us the desires of our heart. And unless we get in touch with what those are and are able to put it down on paper, at least vocalize it. We just stay stuck and safe and comfortable. And the years go by and all of a sudden we look back and go huh, that didn’t go the way I thought it would. So I love that you’re talking about the baby steps and we’re talking about habits and goals. And we’ve developed a worksheet that if any of you readers want, you can visit our websites and get a copy. They’re free resources. You can go to either mindoverchaos.com or claudinesweeney.com. And there’s a free resource there. Ashley, are there any parting words with the New Year goals, habits and dreams?

Ashley
Yeah, you know, I found this quote from Steve Garvey, it says you have to set goals that are almost out of reach. If you set a goal that is attainable without much work or thought you are stuck with something below your true talent and potential. I love that I loved it because it really was applicable to me with this run. And so like I said earlier today, I ran over five and a half miles the most I’ve ever ran in my life. But I was able to do that I believe because I set a goal now and it’s almost helping me be accountable. You know, now I’m signing up for this 10 K. So I’m going to challenge myself each run, I’m going to try and do a little bit, you know, I’m not even giving a number. You know, I’m not even saying Okay, I’m going to do six miles now. Okay, it’s as I’m running, I say to myself, I can go another block. I’m gonna go down this way I can do a little bit more, you know, and I just as I’m running, I’m just adding on more in the moment. And then I end up having this big victory for me that Wow, I’ve ran more than ever. Yeah, that’s awesome. Because having a goal to work for.

Claudine
Yeah, absolutely.

Ashley
Goals are so important to help pull us to, to live to our full potential, you know, and display the possibilities in our life. So Claudine, I want to ask you, will you share with our listeners? Are there any dreams that you have for 2020 that you are ready to make into a goal?

Claudine
Yes, I have several The first one I shared a little earlier. We definitely dream of going to Europe for a minimum of one month, but potentially three months to live and just run our businesses from there. So a goal for that is I’ve already done the price pricing on airfare and Airbnb. So I have a pretty good number.

Ashley
You love the number.

Claudine
I do. I do love the number.

Ashley
And you need numbers in your life.

Claudine
But now I know how much I need to earn or how much passive income I need to have so that we can make that a reality. So it’s a dream. And it’s become a goal. And we believe this is the year and so now I’m working with my numbers and my business to make sure that we can make it happen in 2020. That’s our big one that and writing a book, which I haven’t I have the outline and need to start setting consistent time starting in January to write.

Ashley
Well And may I say my dear friend Claudine that you were one that really inspired me and helped me believe that I could write a book too because you do have a book out you have a digital book that you wrote and when you finish that and just watching you work on that and how organized and diligent you were and it was just like no big deal. I’m like why am I so scared and limiting myself that you know one of my dreams is to write a book but watching you write yours and finish yours. It just looks beautiful. I want to be able to hold my own book in my hand too.

Claudine
Well it’s small habits it was just being consistent and taking that time once a week. Usually it was just once a week for a couple hours to write. It did take me the better part of a year but it got done.

Ashley
Yeah, so friends, really what we want to share with you guys is that if you develop habits and that you are consistent with those habits to work towards a goal pick one you know, I mean it could be overwhelming if you pick more than that if there’s smaller goals, then that’s great. I mean all power to you, but just pick one to focus on, develop habits that will get you there and be consistent because those dreams that you have floating around your head or on your list or in your vision board, they can happen. It just takes proper steps to get there and believing that they will happen.

Claudine
Absolutely. And I will leave you with this parting scripture in Second Chronicles 15:7. But as for you, be strong and do not give up for your work will be rewarded.

Ashley
Friends, thank you so much for tuning in with us today. We hope this episode has brought you one step closer to living the life you love. Until next time, remember the world needs who you were made to be.