Commitment to Self

Episode #52

Do you find yourself breaking commitments often to your friends or your boss? Probably not so often. What about to yourself? Do you cancel on yourself often? Many of us do this. We do not do a great job at keeping ourselves accountable. For whatever reason we feel it is okay to cancel on ourselves whenever we feel like it. Which can be a lot! “I don’t want to go exercise now”. I don’t want to wake up to my alarm this early”. “It’s okay if I eat this cake even though I promised myself I wouldn’t eat sweets”. In this episode we talk about some key specifics to keeping our commitments to ourselves so we can thrive and reach the goals we have for our lives!


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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Ashley
You’re listening to the rise up and shine podcast with Claudine and Ashley as an empty nester and a mom with young kids, we have both shared very similar and very real struggles. From chaos to coaches, we now help other women live an authentic and meaningful life. So tune in weekly for girl talk and tips on how you too can rise up and let your light shine bright. This is the rise up and shine podcast.

Claudine
Welcome back, friends, that is the clink of celebratory glasses. Believe it or not, this is our one year podcast anniversary. So we are celebrating here with two glasses of sparkling water.

Ashley
And I’m going to take a little swig, okay, you don’t mind,

Claudine
We would be drinking champagne. But it’s awfully early here as we’re recording this episode.

Ashley
That’s five o’clock somewhere.

Claudine
That’s right.

Ashley
I tease, I tease.

Claudine
But we decided today to celebrate not only one year of podcast making, but also our one year anniversary of the rise up and shine podcast. And today’s episode is going to be about commitment to self honoring the commitments that we make for ourselves. And it’s incredibly appropriate because a year ago, Ashley and I decided that we would do a weekly podcast, and we decided this about two or three months before the pandemic.

Ashley
You’re sitting in your pool and just talking

Claudine
Yes. And here we are a year later. And if there was ever a time to overcome commitments, or the desire to get something done, it was this year, but we did it. So we thought we would celebrate and talk about what it takes to honor your commitments to ourselves and to one another. So a commitment is a pledge or an agreement. It’s a dedication. And so we had decided, and we started last November, that we would weekly record and upload a podcast for women, for men. For anyone who is interested in rising up and shining, we have overcome depression and anxiety and really are committed to living our best lives now and living life to the full which is what Jesus said He came to give us and so that’s what we’ve been doing. And the opposite of commitment is a break from or desertion. So a lot of us make goals. We make plans, and then we stop, right. Oh, yeah, I mean, you yours.

I mean, like New Year’s goals, right? We all make resolutions. And then three weeks later, we’re done. It’s over. So and I love this quote that I found it says commitment is the ability to stick with something long after the initial excitement is gone. And that is so true. So Ashley, let’s talk about this year and the commitment it took to each other and to ourselves to get this done.

Ashley
Yeah, you know, thinking about our one year anniversary, especially with you Claudine, it has been great.

Claudine
It has been fun.

Ashley
It has been so much fun. Has it been easy? No, especially this year with a pandemic and the distance now between us by Southern California. Luckily, today you’re in town, so we get to record face to face. But there have been many obstacles that have come up through this year specifically. And yeah, it’s, it’s exciting to hit the one year mark. I definitely see more in the future. It’s been great. I think it’s been exciting for both of us. It’s been fun to do this with a good friend. Right. And it’s been fun to stick through with it. You know, I mean, I know for myself, there have been times where oh my gosh, I can we still go on? How are we going to do this? It’s so hard, especially just an even in the last few months? Yes, with the challenges, there’s so many reasons and excuses we can come up with that would be justifiable, you know, but is really exciting and commitment to myself when I think about that it’s not been my strong suit.

So having my partner you know, you and doing this together has definitely helped us spur each other on, you know, to show me keep going and just encourage each other, you know, right. And when we felt frustrated or discouraged, you know, so I’m excited. We are here and I’m excited for another year ahead.

Claudine
We have had a lot of obstacles this year, that have wanted us at times to want to desert our commitment, right. I mean, we’ve had a location, I have relocated to Southern California for most of the time. And that’s been really since March 20. Since the pandemic, we went to quarantine down south, came back up here packed up our place and went back down to our property in Southern California. So that led to a whole lot of technical challenges. I mean, obviously, we’re all Zoomers. Now, right. Is there anybody who doesn’t know what zoom is or how does it emerge? Now? That’s a verb. Good right.

But there were challenges with that there were technical challenges, audio challenges, microphone challenges, it got overwhelming.

Ashley
Mm hmm.

Claudine
In the midst of everything else we had going on me trying to work from Southern California and you homeschooling children. You know, sometimes our brain can be like this is too much. I don’t want to do this anymore. But we did spur one another on and we did stick with it. Another one is technical challenges, not only from location, but just some episodes, we’ve had to record three times. I know. I don’t know where that one when it just never recorded. You’re sure you press record on this one, right? I did.

Ashley
Yes. Yes.


Claudine
And your laptop is no longer going to crash and burn, delete all our recorded audios on there. But yes, so we’ve had a lot of obstacles, and even thinking about the excitement in the midst of everything that’s been going on. Sometimes recording a podcast isn’t exciting, it can feel like work, right? It’s like, Oh, we got to record the excitement. Right. We’re excited today, because this is just amazing. And that’s the end result of sticking through with our commitments, especially to ourselves is that feeling of accomplishment, that feeling of confidence, there’s so many good feelings that come from sticking through with our commitments to ourselves.

Ashley
Right, and it’s okay to be proud of ourselves. And you know that how we did it, we had many reasons where we could have just said, You know, I don’t think we should do this right now. Maybe we can resume next year, maybe we could, you know, there’s so many different excuses that we could have come up with and reasons, just to stop. But I think both you and I, from what we’ve gone through, personally, just in our own lives, over our lifetime, we have such a passion for this to help other people, right? overcome, you know, to rise up and shine to be able to feel like they’re living their best life and have the choice to live their best life. Well, just give hope, because we have seen a lot of things, we have felt a lot of discouragement and defeat and hopelessness in our life. And we have found very specific things as on this podcast, you know, through each of these episodes that we have walked through that we want to share with our listeners out there, that you know, you can rise up and shine again, the reason for our podcast, right rise up and shine. That is what we mean by that is that even if you feel helpless or hopeless or defeated and discouraged and ashamed, you know, depressed, anxious, no matter what you’re feeling, you can come out of it, you can rise up. And that has been such a driving motivation for us to just keep going, just keep going. It’s not about us, you know, it’s not just about us, it definitely helps us. And it gives us great reminders of Oh, yeah, you know, maybe I didn’t do a great job this week, get commitment, you know, I got back on. But we can wait, if we’ve ever fallen off, you know, we can get right back on that bike. And just keep going, keep going.

Claudine
That’s so true. And the truth is, we are all good at commitment, because we make commitments, right to our jobs. I mean, if you have a job where you have to show up, you’re committed to showing up on time and showing up on a regular basis. Because if not, you’re not going to get the result of a paycheck. I know.

Ashley
Let’s hope you are.


Claudine
We are committed to feeding our children, right. And taking them to school, and I know we’re committed to helping them and I’m sure for me, it’s been decades, but there were times where at 8pm I get them Mom, I need poster board for my project is due tomorrow, and I’m running to the store at 8pm at night trying to find a poster board. So we are committed to helping others and we’re committed to our jobs, but sometimes with ourselves. And that’s really what we want to talk about today is that commitments that really honor ourselves and really help us get the results we want in our life. Because without commitment and desire, a goal is just a dream. And the commitment is what we need to apply. So that result becomes a reality. So without commitment. It’s just a dream.

Ashley
Exactly. And I think one thing that has helped me just in my own mindset is to not give up on myself, you know, non cancel on myself, right? You know, we think about well, gosh, like if I set up lunch plans with a good friend, I’m not gonna just not show up, right? But we do that with ourselves all the time all the time always have an excuse or a reason again, like our episode of procrastination, I don’t feel like it. Right? You’re like, dude, I don’t feel like going into work today. I don’t feel like feeding my children. I don’t feel like you know, whatever, whatever it is. But again, just not breaking those commitments to ourselves. just telling yourself out loud in your head. Just say I am not going to cancel on myself today. Yeah, I’m not gonna cancel this plan that I had for myself today. And it really is rewarding. I feel sometimes it feels like a drag I gotta get this done. But just kind of change that thought process. You know, like, okay, I can get this done. And when I’m done then Yay, I get to do this and reward yourself and be all excited and get yourself motivated but it is it’s Don’t break the promise yourself. Unite. committed, just keep going, keep going.

Claudine
And part of that because I love that it is it’s really not breaking the promise to yourself and that really comes when we value ourselves. Yeah. It’s so easy for us, especially as wives and mothers to value everyone else, our husbands, our children, even our friends, like you mentioned, yeah, if I make plans with a friend, I don’t cancel, I show up. You know, it’s really rare for me. But for ourselves, we tend to shove ourselves to the side. Oh, well, I’ll do it later. I’ll get to me later. And ugly. When we value ourselves, we will honor those commitments. And it’s so important to do that.

Ashley
You need to be on that list as well.

Claudine
Yes, I agree.
Ashley
So, Claudine, let’s talk about some practical, yes. For our listeners out there. What are specific practicals that you can do to keep those commitments to themselves?

Claudine
Well, one of the first ones is to have a plan for that commitment, write it down, I think it helps me to write down the things that I want to accomplish, right. Otherwise, it’s just in my head. It’s kind of a figment. It’s a it’s a dream. Still, it’s, it might be a goal. But until it’s written down, it’s really not as real for me, especially. So I always write them down.

Ashley
Vision boards are good for that too.

Claudine
They are.

Ashley
Vision boards, I will also print out a picture, whatever that may be. Yeah, you know, and put it up somewhere so I can visually see it. Yeah, really helpful.

Claudine
That’s great. The other one is even for us like working out the logistics of Okay, we’re going to record a podcast, we’re going to start a weekly podcast, and we assigned roles, like you’re going to be responsible for this, and I was going to be responsible for that. So we got really clear on what it took to honor that commitment, we got really clear about the steps and the responsibilities. And obviously, if we’re tying that commitment to self, if if you have a goal to lose weight, there’s going to be some how tos. So really getting clear on what the how tos are, am I going to double my vegetable intake and reduce my sugar intake? Am I going to commit to exercising three times a week getting real clarity on the steps to honor that commitment? Another helpful tool is getting the support and resources and we’ve shared for us with this, we have each other to support on to lean on. So I know I’m not going to quit on you and you’re not going to quit on me. So we do spur one another on. Also resources. As I’m building my business, I have resources, I have a business coach, I have a mastermind group, those things help keep me accountable. They give me motivation. They inspire me, I’m really, it’s really helpful for me, when I know I’m accountable. Yes. You know, I don’t want to get to their meeting and go Yep, I did nothing.

Ashley
You know, even a deadline helps with that. Yes, kind of an accountability partner, as well as giving yourself a deadline.

Claudine
Yeah. Like that. I like that. Otherwise, it’s still floating in the air.

Ashley
Yeah. And there’s no reason to. Right. We didn’t break anything, because I didn’t have a set deadline. So I’m good.

Claudine
Another reason to procrastinate, right. I know. And for us we did with this podcast, we said we’re gonna do it weekly. So we have had 52. In one year’s time.

Ashley
And even think about when we started. Remember, we set we planned a double date with our husbands to go out to eat and celebrate when we launched our podcast, that’s fine, and deadline that you worked hard for.

Claudine
Yeah, that is great. I forgot about that. So true. rewards, always good to reward. And then small steps to the result. We talked about this, but breaking it down, just making it smaller. Obviously, starting over a year ago, we said we’re gonna launch a podcast, we had to break it down, we got specific about who was responsible for what, but we broke it down into little steps. It was even small, some small steps. Like, I’ll order this microphone, you get the cables. I mean, we really broke it down and got clear. And so those are the practicals I know that I’ve really helped me and then on a more personal level for commitments that I do make to myself, like exercising or eating healthier. I just break it down to to what my grocery list is gonna look like I write it down. Otherwise, I go to the store and I’m like, now what did I want again? Oh, yeah. Oh, that ice cream looks really good.


Ashley
Oh, I do that all the time. Because I forget my list. And so then you end up spending more. Yeah. Anyway, so I don’t know why I went over budget, honey.

Claudine
What am I gonna make this week? I don’t know. This looks good. This looks good. So again, good. Just writing it down getting really specific that is so helpful for me. And lastly, it’s dealing with our thoughts and our emotions. I feel like we talked about this weekly, but this is really a cornerstone to really making changes in our lives. But we were all given a prefrontal cortex, it’s our higher mind. And with that we can make plans. And we can process.

Ashley
We all have it folks that do not think I really had that. But we do we all have it. It may be functioning at varying levels. But yeah, do you have that higher mind?

Claudine
We do. And we get to use it to make plans and to make commitments. And again, our thoughts, what are our thoughts about the commitment? If we start thinking, well, this isn’t really important, or, like you said, I don’t feel like it. You know, even that that’s a thought before you feel it. You’re thinking, I just don’t feel like it. And I remember my kids when they were young, like, I don’t feel like it might say, I didn’t ask if we felt like it, I asked you to do it.

Ashley
And you don’t have to want to know do you have to obey?

Claudine
Right, exactly. Right, right. So I’m just dealing with our thoughts, getting the thoughts in the right place. Like I know, for me, it feels so great to think I’m going to honor my commitment to myself because I value myself. That’s the thought. Like that’s the thought I’ve decided to choose to think about, I will honor my commitments to myself because I matter and I value myself as well as I value others. And I love this scripture in James 512 it says let your yes be yes. And your no be no. It’s really simple. Very, very, yes. Yes. If I say I’m gonna do something, right, I’m just gonna do it even for myself.

Ashley
Oh, Claudine, you hit it on the head, you hit the nail right on the head. This has been the biggest issue in my marriage, let me just say, because I wouldn’t break commitments to other people. But I would break the commitment to my husband, I would tell them, I would do something and I didn’t. Yeah, and again, like even whether it’s in a marriage, friendship, at work, or in your own personal self, you know, we have to keep those commitments when you say you’re going to do something, just do it. Right. Don’t, don’t let those excuses those thoughts. sabotage you, because that’s basically what’s happening. I mean, you’re kind of reasoning yourself to not do something. It’s like, well, that’s what I thought I was doing why I thought I was thinking logically, but really, it was more emotional because I didn’t quote unquote, feel like it right. Or I didn’t enjoy it, or it wasn’t important to me, right. So when you say you’re going to do something, I mean, you can imagine how my husband being on the receiving end of that all those years how he felt I mean, right ran it. Obviously, there’s reasons why we had challenges, you know, but think about how you feel when you break commitments to yourself, you know, you probably feel just as bad like, gosh, I let myself down again. But a lot of times we cope. A lot of times, we try to just ignore all that and just keep going and live in life. And we don’t stop to really think about how do I feel when I’m breaking these commitments? I said, I was going to exercise three days a week, how am I feeling about myself not doing it? Yeah, we don’t always stopped to really evaluate that. And when we do when we stop and gain that awareness of Gosh, like, I don’t feel good that I’m not following through with what I said, you know, those commitments I set for myself, I don’t feel good about breaking those promises to myself. Well, maybe I can change that. You know, and that’s the beauty is you can try and change that you can turn it around and be forgiving of yourself. Yeah. Show yourself grace and kindness and compassion. And don’t beat yourself up. That, man, I keep doing that over and over and over. Just you know, it’s a new day. It’s a new day. today. I’m going to start again, I’m going to let my yes be yes. Or my no be no. Right. Right. That can also be a commitment to yourself. Yes. saying no.

Claudine
That’s a whole another topic.

Ashley
Okay, we say no boundaries. We have an episode on that to my friends. So yes, just not breaking those commitments to yourself, right is very important. You know, if I said this to my spouse, or my friend or my work, gosh, I’d get fired. Because my relationships wouldn’t be great. Same with a self I gotta keep those commitments to myself, don’t break them.

Claudine
Yeah, I agree. I mean, it is really growing into valuing ourselves and honoring our commitments really treating ourselves the way I know all of us treat other people, right. We have wonderful wives and mothers and friends and spouses out there listening, and I know that you all value others highly and treat them with compassion and kindness and to do that very same thing for ourselves is so important.

Ashley
Absolutely. One more plug in I wanted to put with the, with the thoughts is remembering the why. Why we set up this commitment for ourself. Why did I have this idea of working out or sticking up with the budget or whatever your commitment may be to yourself, you know, one of them for mine personally was to do one load of laundry every day.

I’m just going to do one load of laundry every day, because I don’t have a million piles to do. Right? So keeping up with that commitment, and just reminding myself, why is why am I committing to this right now? Yeah, you know, because I know I don’t feel good when I have 20 loads to do on a Saturday, right? I’d rather spend my time doing something fun with the family, you know, I don’t want to save it all for them. And so it helps kind of reconstruct those better habits. And doing that and not committing like, I this is the why because, you know, don’t listen to yourself when you say I don’t feel like doing it right now. Just I feel better when it’s done. That’s my why. Yeah, that’s very important when we commit to anything just always remembering the why because you will lose motivation. You know, I mean, Case in point we did there were times where like, ah, maybe it’s not the best time right now. Right? We had every reason we had a pandemic, for goodness sakes. Yeah, we have distance now. Right? You know, we had every reason to stop schooling kids traveling I traveled by today. Oh, my trying to find internet connections on the road. Exactly. We have recorded podcasts via many states right states apart yet Remember, you know,

Claudine
Country, Country I’m leaving the country soon. Hopefully, it will take us but

Ashley
but the why right, Claudine why? it goes back to why are we doing this and so it really helped us to keep that commitment.

Claudine
Well, that is it for today everybody. We will catch you next week.

Ashley
All right, everyone. Thank you for joining in on our conversation today here on the rise and shine podcast. If you haven’t already, please take a second to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode. And while you’re at it, share this episode with a friend who you know it can bless today. If you want to visit us as well on our websites you can catch Claudine over at claudinesweeney.com and Ashley at mindoverchaos.com, our links are in the description. We also have some free resources there for you as well. So remember, ladies no matter what you are facing in life, it is never too late to rise up and shine and live your best life.