Creating Desire

Episode #147

You have goals and dreams and things you want to accomplish. You know what to do, but sometimes you feel stuck. One of the key ingredients to achieving success is maintaining desire. We might face obstacles and setbacks, but if we keep our desire burning, we can find success along the way. Listen in as we discuss practical ways to keep the flame of desire burning.


GET THE FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:


EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Episode 147 Creating Desire

Welcome back listeners to episode 1471 47 Creating desire. There are a lot of things that we want to go after in life. Things we have goals or dreams and we need the desire to go after them. And sometimes our desire can wane a little bit it can just start to fade. And so today we’re gonna talk about creating desire to keep the momentum going to keep the motivation strong. And when we think about the word desire the definition is a strong feeling of wanting something. Okay so it’s the desire for a goal or a dream or something like that. As I researched Desire all kinds of things came up. But today we’re just talking about the desire that is the motivation to propel us towards our goals and dreams. So when we think about desire, think about what are our desires as women especially moms right? We we desire our Children to obey the first time we desire there to be peace in the house.

We desire for everyone to get along. We desire a strong relationship with our kids and our husband. Um Sometimes we desire even maybe a certain career or position at our jobs and we really desire health. That’s another one being maybe a certain weight. Um I know for myself also I I also desire watching T. V. And sleep. We don’t have to build momentum for those right? There are supernatural. Yeah exactly. There’s also paying off debt. I thought about working out like well I don’t desire working out but I desire the result of what working out would give me raw, right? And that’s part of the problem is we want the result without the discomfort. And when discomfort comes, things start to get a little uncomfortable or hard desire starts to fade, right? We’re like, well, I don’t know if I really wanted that. Right? Right. Well then we’re making choices based on the moment, the actual moment of how do I feel right now?

I feel like or I don’t feel like and I know I was such a sucker for that. I don’t feel like doing the laundry. I don’t feel like cleaning the house. I feel like just watching tv and mentioned on some chips, especially after a long hard day. But exactly. And what our life will be dictated or determined if you will buy what we desire and what we actually go after, right? What choices we made. And so I think I’ve even losing weight because I’m gonna be on a journey now of trying to lose that. Covid poundage and I 19 COVID. Yeah, it’s a little bit more than 19. But yes. Um but losing a little bit of weight and having healthier habits. I know just with the pandemic and everything that kind of virtual school that kind of went out the window a bit. And so I just kind of need a reset, right? So I just wanna focus more on my health. And but again, like I joke about after a long, hard day, right?

I don’t want to go for the bag of carrots? I want to go for the bag of chips because more satisfying, right? I feel like having chips, I feel like just watching tv and just kind of binging my favorite shows and that’s what I feel like in the moment. But that is kind of the stronger desire right? At the time over that longer term goal of trying to be healthier, losing some weight. And so we we do kind of go after what we desire, but what is the greater desire? That I think that’s such a great question to ask and a great starting point because um if we really weigh it right because sometimes again we choose the short term because it’s an immediate satisfaction, it’s immediate pleasure, it’s comfortable, it’s easy, it’s familiar um and so it’s harder for us to stick through doing something hard and that is uncomfortable and that it takes a lot of work honestly and time as well.

And so like for being on a health journey or losing weight or exercising it takes time to build up that momentum to be results. And so sometimes we just give up sometimes like this is too hard, I can’t do it or maybe it’s not for me or I really don’t want to give up my favorite foods or you know, wine or coffee with my loads and loads of coffee creamer, you know, it’s like I really want the to lose the weight but do I really want to do all the hard work right? And so we tend to make the easier choice. So that’s why we want to talk about this because if we just really take some extra time to think about what are the things I truly, truly desire and how much effort am I really going to put into it to get those results that I really want that are going to build confidence and you know like a healthier self esteem and peace and less stress in your life, you know, all those things that we really desire that are intangible.

Um again it takes a lot of work and intention. Yeah, absolutely. Well when we think about desire, you know, I defined it as a strong feeling and so it is an emotion and as we talk about here a lot on the Rise up and Shine podcast, we know that our emotions are created by our thoughts. So really it’s about um catching our thoughts like you said like you have a desire to lose some weight right? But then the thaw will come up when I really want these chips and it’s it’s an opposing thought to I really want to make healthy food choices and lose and it’s really strong. It is because it’s called a craving or urge, they’re called cravings and urges and they are very powerful in our brain wants to convince us that we will die if we don’t have those chips or for for me, I have a really strong desire to build my coaching business and to grow it to a certain level. Yet there there are different aspects of it that can be hard and my brain wants to tell me, you know, you really don’t need to do this, you don’t have to work, you don’t have to do this.

And my brain will try and convince me that it’s too hard, that the sacrifice is too great, that, you know, because my brain, our brains always want to keep us safe, keep our energy expenditure low and to seek pleasure, right? And a lot of times when we’re going after goals that we really desire, there is gonna be sacrifice and there’s gonna be discomfort. And so we have to keep thinking thoughts that keep that desire alive. Yeah, you hit the nail on the head, right? We have to push ourselves out of that comfort zone. And again, it’s really creating uh a specific mindset. Again, like I have a coffee mug mindset is everything and it is so true, it is so applicable in every situation and what we think creates how we feel and it creates the results, you know, it creates the actions that we take or don’t take and it creates the results, the outcomes. And so I I mean we have choices, Life is a series of choices, right? And so whatever we choose to to act on is what is going to create that outcome.

And so if I’m wanting the chips, I know it’s an immediate pleasure. I’ll feel good in the moment. But long term I’m gonna be ashamed. Like I had no self control, right? I did it again, like I know I really should not be eating these chips. Um and I gave in, I gave in again. And so then it compounds those emotions then other than um you know, like a diminished desire for certain outcome in our life or personal goal. Uh We’re also feeling shame on top of that and it’s just adding more unnecessary stress on our bodies and in our minds. And so it’s really important to think about, like I’m thinking about the losing the weight right? When I think, okay, I’m ready, I need to get healthier. I need to make better eating choices, drink much more water like I used to do, I have not been great at my water intake, but I can instantly, my brain will tell me all the things that I’m giving up O.

C. You’re gonna have to give this up, You’re gonna have to give that up. It’s gonna be hard because you really do it. Like you said, our brain wants to seek pleasure. Um you know, not work very hard, Yes. Energy. And um and keep us safe. So when we think about creating this desire, going after things that are hard and pushing ourselves and not giving into what’s easy, right? But actually pushing ourselves to go after what we really want then what do I really want? That’s huge. Am I? It’s gonna be hard, but that’s okay, I can do hard things, it’s gonna be uncomfortable for a little while. Um maybe I am giving up certain things, but there’s plenty of other things that I can enjoy, right? And how will I feel when I get to that point? How will I feel when I really get the results that I want? Is that going to far outweigh what I am giving up temporarily? Right? So, and in that instant gratification really?

Yeah, well, and you mentioned um self doubt, which is definitely a desire buster, you know, that will squash our desire and there’s a couple others that I’ll bring up before we go into our practical but self doubt, definitely one of them. When we doubt ourselves, we doubt our abilities to achieve our goals, right? The fear of failure is another desire buster, right? If we think we’re gonna fail um then why even try? So then we just kind of, you know, it’s like putting a bucket of cold water on the, on the flame of desire. Another one is a fear of change. How will things change if I reach the school and that could be a big one, I mean losing weight, you know, it could mean, oh, now I have to buy a whole bunch of clothes and honestly that could, you know, our brains will find tricky ways to convince us that we don’t really need this goal and then they’ll, they’ll be change. You know, if you lose, like you said over £19 that’s gonna pretty much requires probably some new clothes. I would think another that’s where my turnaround is, at least for me personally, I don’t want to buy more clothes.

Yes, yes, so I’m like, no, I need to be able to fit into my clothes. I currently have that, I am struggling to fit into that. Funny, that’s actually one of mine too. And the last desire buster that I have is just fear of ridicule, right? We start thinking what will other people think and that will definitely dampen our desire. But actually let’s talk about some practical, we do have some practical today as usual about how to create desire, how to keep that fuel of desire burning. So we can go after our goals and our dreams. Absolutely. So number one is the awareness, What am I thinking? Really pay attention to the thoughts that are going on in your mind, right? Like we said, mindset is everything. So pay attention to what you’re saying in your head. We don’t do that very often, we tend to just function on default, think on default and we don’t always have conscious thinking, which is very powerful, having more intentional thoughts and then that way we’re able to capture those ones that are negative, you know, are the ones that are the like, as you said, the desire busters.

Um So and choose. Sometimes it even just takes reframing, right? So, but we can’t do any of that work if we don’t know what the thoughts are that we tend to go to. And a lot of times they’re the same. You know, whether it’s the I am not gonna be able to do this, it’s too hard or I’m afraid or it’s uncomfortable. All those things really pay attention to what those thoughts are and gain that awareness because that’s that’s the first step for sure. Here’s one of my thoughts. Usually I’ll do it tomorrow. Yeah, I’ll do it tomorrow, right? I don’t feel like it right now. So I’ll do it tomorrow and I have to catch myself because it’s so like subconscious, I’m just like, I’m really tired. I’ll just do it tomorrow. And then I’m like, wait, that’s like, no, it’s on the schedule for me to do today and I’m really not that tired. And truth be told I’m probably gonna be tired tomorrow anyway, right? Because that’s my default excuse when I don’t want to do something, my brain tells me, you know, you’re tired and then to really stop.

But yeah, such a good one awareness of what we’re thinking because you’re right. I think sometimes so many of us um we’re not even conscious of what we’re thinking. Our brains are just steering us along and we’re in it and we just listen to it, right? We have to learn to direct our brains to manage our minds. We are in control. We God has given us a prefrontal cortex so we should use them. So the second practical and I like this one in relation to what we’re talking is um kind of attached like the pain principle too. If I keep thinking this way, what will happen? So if you keep thinking, well, I’m just gonna eat these chips, how will you feel? What will you think? How will you be in one year or three years or five years? Right. And I think about, I’m just gonna, you know, I’m just gonna do it tomorrow, but tomorrow I’m gonna say the same thing and then the same thing. And so where am I gonna be in six months? If I keep doing that in my business, I’m not going to be where I want to be.

And so a lot of times if we want to keep that desire going, it’s going OK. But if I allow my thoughts, if I’m aware now, right, we have awareness of our thoughts and if I keep thinking those thoughts, where will I be in one year or six months or three years, whatever it is. And typically it’s going to be worse off, right, You won’t have lost the weight, We won’t have paid off the debt. We won’t have built a business. We won’t have deepened the intimacy in our marriage. We won’t have had special times with our Children. If we keep going and put things off or just don’t have the desire, let that fade, then we’re going to be worse off. We’re not going to be better. Yeah. And I also, one that was really powerful for me is if I keep thinking this thought, how will I feel? Right? Right? Like I mentioned earlier, we, if we’re not making those choices that we know we should be making or that’s at least steps towards our goals, then we do add on more shame. Like, man. See I, I can’t do hard things.

This is, this is just hard and I’d rather not. And um, so I always ask myself well how will I feel? And I’ll just give a simpler example about laundry, right? Putting off laundry laundry is the the painful task of almost every day. But I think about if I don’t do this load of laundry right now because I really don’t feel like doing it. How am I gonna feel tomorrow? You know, if I put it off till later in the day or tomorrow, how will I feel like, well, I’m gonna feel exactly the same. I’m not gonna want to do it then either. Yeah. And then another thing I think is how long does it actually take me just to do it Because I think, oh my gosh, it’s gonna be so painful. It’s gonna be hours. It’s like, no, not really. You know, I mean granted laundry, like you always gave me the tip of just put a movie on and fold your laundry. I thought that’s great. Make it enjoyable, you know? But even something like unloading the dishwasher, I hate unload In the dishwasher.

So, but I remind myself, how will I feel when I empty the dishwasher? Yeah, I will definitely feel much better and actually kind of proud of myself. I did it. I accomplished that. And again, tell myself it only will take me like 10 or 15 minutes. That is something I can do. Yeah. Yeah. It’s funny because I’m not, I’m not trying to lose weight necessarily. I don’t have a scale, so I actually don’t really know how much I weigh, but I do want to exercise because as I’m aging, I’m noticing that my muscles are deteriorating, so it’s becoming more and more important that I exercise and I’ve talked about that a few times on the podcast, but you know, my, my thought is I really don’t want to and I don’t have time. Those are my thoughts. And so the other day I decided I’m going to walk and I’m gonna try jogging even if it’s just like, if I jog for 10 or 15 seconds at a time. But I thought to myself, I’m just gonna go walking for 10 minutes because my brain started saying you don’t have time and you really don’t have time, you have so much to do this morning.

So I took that thought and I said, but I have 10 minutes and I gave myself 10. It’s well I actually ended up going out for 25 minutes and I felt great and my day did not implode, but my thought was I just don’t have time to exercise. But once I told myself that you have 10 minutes, I was like, yeah, you’re right, I have 10 minutes. And of course, once I got out there and so we kind of have to manage our brains that way. Because if I don’t if I don’t start exercising more consistently in a year or three years, my muscles are just going to deteriorate that much more. So for me it’s not necessarily a weight issue. Although who doesn’t want those covid pounds to come off. But for me it’s muscle tone but my brain wants to fight me like you’re gonna be so sore. In fact, it was funny today, my husband and I were walking, it’s like, it’s really interesting that you’re not that sore. And I was like, well, you know, I didn’t just jog for about an hour. I mean a minute and 15 seconds total out of my 25 minute walk. So I don’t think I would be that sore. But I was huffing and puffing.

So that was good. I felt like my heart rate up, breathing deeply, so much good came out of that, but I really, Really had to redirect my thought and go, no, but I can do this for 10 minutes or five minutes. Even if you told yourself I’m walking to the mailbox or with paying off debt, I’m just gonna not buy that one coffee a week and we think that that doesn’t matter. But the truth of it is you don’t buy one and then the next time you’re like, I don’t need it today either or I’ll bag my lunch and all of a sudden you realize after a year you paid off your debt. Okay, so, so number three is creating bridge thoughts. Now, bridge thoughts are also known as latter thoughts are thoughts kind of, it’s a progression we can’t go from, I hate exercising to all of a sudden, I love exercising. We can’t really trick our brain like that. So when we’re talking about managing our minds and our thoughts and having intentional thoughts, we also have to be realistic, right?

Because that is not sustainable. So, so for example, I don’t like exercising, but I do like how I feel afterwards and I know it’s a step in the right direction and I know I can build on, right, Like I it might feel uncomfortable, but I I’ve got this, I could do it. So being much more realistic. You know, I mean don’t take this huge jump and reframe your thought to something that just really will not make sense and really will be short lived. It’s not gonna, so building those bridge thoughts is really important because it’s realistic. It’s taking certain steps in your thinking, being intentional in your thinking and eventually you will start to say, hey, I actually enjoy it. I mean both Claudia and I were there like, I don’t like exercise. I mean, I’ve shared it many times about running, right? I hated running, I hated it, but I started running. It was just a goal I had, I’m like, you know what, I’m gonna, I’m just gonna start running. We had our dog, I’m like, I’ll run with my dog and I did a little bit, a little bit, a little bit and then pretty soon, you know, again, it was like, I don’t want to go out today, but I know I’m always glad I did, I never regret going out on a run.

Never. So that was a huge motivator, but then then eventually I enjoyed it, you know, and it was realistic and it was true. It wasn’t this false thought that I was trying to make myself believe because I was able to build those bridge thoughts and it’s really powerful. Yeah, so important. Yeah, we can’t trick our brains into believing something. They absolutely don’t believe. Yeah, yeah, so, so important, So good. Well those are three really powerful practical that I know that helped me continue to create desire in my life for the things that I’m going after, like my business, um paying off debt. You know, we have a grand travel adventure next year that we’re planning, we strongly desire that. And there were times, I mean, Covid came up, we actually were supposed to go in 2020 and Covid came up and then we didn’t have the choice and then there were financial issues, but the Desire still was there and um I didn’t let you know some thoughts like how are we ever going to be able to do this?

And what about the dog? You know, so many thoughts coming, we’re like, no, we really both want to do this. My husband and I, so we’re keeping that little flame of desire alive. We’re just standing it when when we start to doubt, we’re like, no, no, no, no. You know, this is going to happen. So listeners, I hope that you are thinking about something you really desire. What do you really, really, really want? And think about what thoughts that you need to think to create that desire as always Ashley and I are life coaches and we are here to help you if you need some coaching if you need your desire Flame fanned a bit so that it grows stronger. We are here for you. You can visit us at mind over chaos dot com or Claudine Sweeney dot com And we both offer a free mini coaching session to see if coaching is right for you. So thank you for tuning in and we’ll see you next time. Take care.