What Blocks You From Reaching Your Goals?

Episode #10

We all have goals we want to reach in life. But we also all have stumbling blocks that get in our way from reaching those. What are yours? In this episode we break down some of the most common stumbling blocks and we offer some tips on how to overcome those so you can achieve great things!


GET THE FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:


EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Ashley
Welcome to rise up and shine. We are two women at different stages of life who have overcome feeling stuck, and are now living life fully with peace and joy. Join Us Weekly for a real raw and faithful conversation about our trials and triumphs, bringing hope insight and weekly tips that you too can rise up and let your light shine bright.

Hi, Claudine.

Claudine
Hi, Ashley.

Ashley
You are looking nice and tan today?

Claudine
Yes, I am just back from our trip to Mexico.

Ashley
Great. How was it?

Claudine
It was wonderful, amazing. All that I could have hoped it to be.

Ashley
Excellent. That’s the best vacation. Right,

Claudine
Right. meets all your expectations above and beyond.

Ashley
Awesome. Well, today is gonna be a great episode, we are going to talk about the stumbling blocks and setbacks when it comes to going after our goals.

Claudine
Right? Well, I feel like I have a master’s degree in this. So I can talk about this all day long. Well, what I have learned and this is really exciting, is that our primitive brain is really focused on keeping us safe and comfortable. So so many times we can make goals and we can take action steps. And then we end up frustrated because we’re just not achieving the results we want. But our primitive brain is always working against us to try to keep us safe and comfortable. And when we’re trying to reach for new goals. It is usually anything but safe and comfortable. Going after new things for me has been really uncomfortable. It’s led me to feel really unsafe. I have all kinds of negative talk. And so I can shortchange myself by just quitting.

Ashley
Absolutely, it’s hard. You know it’s hard to challenge ourselves. It’s scary. It’s a lot of work.

It is and my mom always used to say when I was young, anything worth having is worth working hard for and I never really understood that until I was much older. Because honestly, I didn’t really want to work hard. My I think my primitive brain is really, really strong. But now I’ve gotten in touch that I do have a prefrontal cortex we all do that God gave us this incredible ability to reason and plan and use logic. And now that I’ve tapped into that, and understood that I can control my thoughts like I can generate and create my thoughts, which then create my emotions.

There’s so much power in that right.

And it’s our God given right and ability to do that. It’s literally changed my life.

No, absolutely. I agree. I feel like my primitive brain or I like to call it the lizard brain. Right? just screams at me. It’s it. I’m constantly in battle, right with that part of my brain because it’s you know, I mean, the lizard brain, it’s fight flight, right fight or freeze even. But it’s always on alert. You know what that noise was? That was and I just felt like, Oh my gosh, I just lived in so much fear. You know, that little amygdala in our brain just was constantly getting activated. You know, like, this is dangerous. This is uncomfortable. Don’t do that. Oh, stay safe, you know, right. Oh, my gosh, like paranoid. You know, I’m like, there’s I couldn’t step left to right, you know, without my brain, right, shouting in my head, like, stop, stop. And so yeah, definitely, when it came to setting goals, it was very difficult, you know, and like I said, last week, I didn’t set goals in the past, you know, because I, it just, it was not for me, you know? Yeah, I mean, but really, that was kind of a lie I bought into I mean, we all have goals, we all really do desire certain things in our life, you know, desire to achieve certain things in our life. But that brain, you know, that primitive brain is just gonna try and keep us held back, you know, but safe. I mean, it has a purpose, right? I mean, it was definitely given a purpose, but it can sabotage our life. Really, it could just have control it way too much. Yeah.

Claudine
So we need to know what our stumbling blocks and setbacks are, so that we can develop strategies to overcome them so we can achieve our goals. And not just be dreamers, but really be doers.

Ashley
I like how you said that, because I lived in the dream world, you know, I mean, I was all about dreaming and but to make them into a goal, I would look at myself as not a very goal oriented person. I just thought it wasn’t, you know, in my genetic makeup. That’s not my personality. But I realized it wasn’t that I was not a goal oriented person. It was just really what’s going on in my head. You know, there was a lot of fear. You know, there’s a lot of fear, like we talked about our primitive brain wants to keep us safe. And I was all about the safety and comfort, you know.

Claudine
Absolutely. I think fear is the biggest one for most of us.

Ashley
Yeah, absolutely. It’s huge. I mean, it’s the day and age we live in right now. I mean, we’re constantly comparing ourselves, you know, we Just don’t feel good enough. It’s just we’re so busy, you know what their schedule is like, our brain thinks everything is a danger, right? You know, I mean, our brain has really transformed in that way. And just really paying attention to what’s going on in our head can help us overcome those stumbling blocks. You know, another one for me, that’s huge is doubt. I can’t, I can’t and you know, I didn’t realize this so much, because I didn’t always stop to listen to what was going on in my head, but it was watching my son, you know, he can verbally out loud, say those things, I can’t do it, I can’t do it. And so it just really made me think, Oh, my gosh, you know, as much as I was encouraging him, it made me realize how much I’m saying that to myself, well, in my own head, I don’t write out loud, that he would hear or, you know, anyone else would hear. But it’s all in my head. It’s all my internal dialogue. That is saying, I can’t do that I’m not a goal oriented person, you know, I’ve never achieved that. No way. That’s just not, that’s not made for me. Right. And a big example was college. Um, you know, I was the first one in my family to graduate from university. And I just thought, you know, the first few years, I was going to a city college, and I was not putting in the effort. You know, I was failing classes, I was taking naps out on the lawn, because there’s just a beautiful day, the oceans right across the street. You know, it was, I just didn’t really care. But I realized that my mindset around it was I really didn’t believe college was for me, you know, and it didn’t change until I started dating my now husband. And he was encouraging me, you know, he was encouraging me that I could do it. And so I think, knowing that he believed in me and was telling me those, you know, those positive affirmations, things, the encouragement that I needed to hear, then I started believing Well, yeah, I think I can do it, you know, and then I started applying myself. And then I ended up graduating college and getting a teaching credential, you know, so it kind of proved to myself that it’s just in my head, right? So much of that is in my head.

Claudine
Yeah, that’s a big one. I think I definitely have struggled with beer. Another one that I’ve struggled with is should I should do this, I should do that. And usually shoulds are expectations placed on me by other people. Yeah. And we talked last week about our goals be rewarding when we’re doing things for other people. They’re not intrinsically rewarding. And it’s really hard to keep that motivation up to reach our goals and shoulds. When we should, ourselves, we tend to get stuck. And it makes us feel very disempowered. And so I’ve learned to say could instead of should, that was a huge one for me learning to transition from I could do this, or I could do something else, instead of I should do this, which was so limiting and made me feel very stuck.

Ashley
Yes, I can relate to that one for sure. I think a huge contributing factor to my depression was because of the shoulds. You know, I mean, in my mind, I thought, well, if I want to do this, but I would take someone else’s needs as priority, right? You know, and it’s not always a negative thing. But if all the time I’m doing that, you know, if I’m putting everybody’s needs or wants above my own, then I’m doing a disservice to me, you know, and I’m not happy. And I think that really drove me into depression a couple times, because I was the dreamer. Right? When I would dream, I would feel like oh, but maybe I shouldn’t, because so and so wouldn’t want me to or maybe this will hurt, so and so’s feelings, or, you know, whatever. And I was so unhappy. Because all that on my shoulders, you know, I was living my life for others. Right. And I did that for so long. And it just, I was in such an unhealthy place.

Claudine
Yeah. And I think we all need that reminder. You know, I love this scripture that teaches us to look out for not only our needs, but those of others. It does say to look after our needs, and somehow a lot of us women have kind of pull that out and just focus on the take care of the needs of others, and that we need to take care of our own needs as well that it’s healthy and much like the oxygen mask metaphor, which I think we’ve talked about before, but if I don’t put on my oxygen mask in the airplane, if there’s trouble, I’m not going to be able to help anyone else. And it’s so important to be able to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others.

Ashley
Oh, absolutely. If we’re not taking care of ourselves, we’re not able to give our best.

Claudine
Another one that’s been really big for me that’s been a stumbling block is overwhelm. It’s like trying to turn a marathon into a sprint. Maybe it’s my lack of patience. It’s definitely not one of my strong suits, but like I want it and I want it now. Like I don’t want to wait two months or six months or a year, I want it now. So when you put that time constraint on your goals, it’s a lot of pressure. And I know for me so many times I failed, because I just couldn’t do it. I’ve just break down physically or emotionally or mentally, just can’t do it can’t try to accomplish that, in that amount of time. It just wasn’t a realistic timeframe, like we talked about last week.

Ashley
Yeah, you know, I think when there are things in my character that I wanted to grow in, I would tackle them all at once. Yeah, well, I want to, I want to be more patient, and I want to healthier marriage, and I want to spend more time with my kids. And I want it you know, I write, I had all these little goals I set out for myself, but I was trying to do it all at once. And it was really overwhelming. And I couldn’t really show up very well to any of them. You know, I mean, I can’t spread myself too thin. And so many of us do that. Yeah, we have a lot on our plate. And especially if we tend to focus on what other people’s needs are not caring for ourselves, you know, kind of giving ourselves the scraps, even at the very end of the day, then we are going to fall into that trap.

Yeah, it’s so true. I mean, that happened to me about 15 years ago, I was spread so thin, raising four children working, serving volunteering, and my body just broke down, I just couldn’t, couldn’t keep up the pace I was going. And it’s funny, because my husband would tell me all the time to slow down. And I would tease them. And I’d say, well, when I’m in the hospital, I’ll slow down or there’s rest for the weary in heaven, that’s when I’ll rest. And you know, my body finally said enough. And that was a huge turning point in my life, too, because I did have to start taking care of myself. And I didn’t neglect anybody else. I didn’t neglect my children or my husband or any of my other needs. But I learned to put myself first. And in that regard, I was able to do so much more, I was able to have a stronger marriage, I was able to have a healthier relationship with my children and with my friends, it’s funny, but sometimes when we do less, it actually increases our results.

Wow, it seems counterintuitive, you know, because we think about, well, if I give more time and attention to caring for myself, then it’s gonna take less time away from my family. But really, that’s not what happens. You know, I mean, maybe you take an hour to yourself, and you know, go do something or just kind of rest or nap or take a bath or just kind of get your mind in order, whatever it is. But then you were able to show up for our families so much more, we’re happier, we’re healthier, we’re more invested, you know, we’re not giving them the scraps we’re not, you know, with them snapping at them frustrated, you know, it’s it seems counterintuitive, but it’s so rewarding, you know, so true.

One of the other ones that I struggled with a little, certainly in my younger 20s and 30s. But there was a sense of I’m not worthy. So a lot of the goals or things I wanted to achieve. There was that little voice inside that said I wasn’t worthy, or I wasn’t good enough. It’s kind of like you were saying earlier, you just didn’t set goals. I think some of those similar reason. And I got to a certain age where I thought, I’m just as worthy as the next person, all of a sudden, I realized, wait a second, if they can achieve it. So can I and I think that was when I learned to turn into the power of my brain, the mind that God has given me to realize that I’m no different than anyone else. And then I’m just as worthy and just as capable as anybody else to achieve my dreams. And I had the ability to work hard. And so all that self doubt, all that negative talk all those limited beliefs. I had to deal with one at a time. And for me, it was really powerful to use scriptures. I would post scriptures on my mirror, or any place I could see it to remind myself of my work. My ability.

You know, I was thinking, as you were saying that I remember all those Herbal Essence commercials. I think they were that was always you know, shampoo hair. Yeah. shampooing in the shower, and you could because you worth it or you deserve it. You know, it’s like, we would listened to that all the time. But apparently, our inner dialogue was so much stronger.

Those commercials, you mean an inexpensive shampoo can transform your limited,

The little brainwashing they’re trying to do. But it’s so true. I mean, our minds are so powerful and they can serve us or they really hurt us. And we are our worst critic, you know, I mean, we kind of learn certain behaviors or we learn certain beliefs, just by the world, our experiences, even if we’ve experienced certain trauma in life, and relationships or events that have happened, but it’s our minds are so powerful. And I always think of this and I encourage this to my clients that what you tell yourself? Would you go and tell someone you love? Would you go tell your spouse that? Would you tell your child that? Would you tell your best friend that the same things that you were saying to yourself? Would you go tell that to another person? And I think we can all say, No, I mean, when you think about that, it’s like, why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we limit ourselves? Why do we really think I can’t, or I’m not worth happiness in my life, or I’m not able to have ambition in my life where I’m not able to experience success, like, I mean, I was talking with someone before we were my husband, and I were actually helping coach them in their finances. And it was really interesting listening to this husband, because I heard myself, you know, when he was talking, I’m like, Oh, my gosh, he is just like me, we would pave the road. so smooth for everybody else, and we are happy to take the rough terrain, you know, we are happy to take the challenges because we want everyone else to experience such a smooth and easy life, especially when it comes to our children, right. But we sacrifice ourselves a lot like that. We don’t have to do that that’s not our burden. You know, that’s not our responsibility, but it gets in the way of us seeking out goals for ourselves, right, and really turning some of those dreams we have into a reality.

Right. You know, that’s a great point. And lastly, a lot of times why we don’t achieve the results, we don’t go after the goals we want is we make excuses.

Right? And I kind of briefly touched on one that I have in my own head is I’m not a goal oriented person, right? You know, I mean, I didn’t set out goals, because let’s just not me, you know, I really do goals, there are a lot of other excuses that can pop up in our minds, you know, like, I’m not enough to succeed, you kind of touched on that as well. You know, I can’t pursue a dream of mine, and still show up for my family. You know, like, for me, I really felt like, there is no way that I could even have a job when I stay home and take care of my kids in the house and you know, write the finances, like how am I supposed to add all those in, so I really don’t have the time to kind of reach some of my goals. Another excuse that I know is in my head is that I mean, especially with social media. And when I’m setting out to achieve a goal I see other people have gone above and beyond, you know, that goal and I think, Oh, well, you know, who’s gonna listen to little me, you know, and one of them is my blog. Like, I love to write, but so many other people have done it. And their websites are beautiful. And then my head is like, yeah, maybe you shouldn’t, you know, because people have already kind of talked about what you talked about. And it’s nothing new, you know, I mean, who knew who’s gonna, who’s gonna listen to you? And so that really messed with my mind, you know, it really made me think like, oh, okay, and I would build that excuse. And then I’d be like, well, I just won’t do it.

Yeah, that’s excuses. Keep the safe and comfortable. And again, they’re all in our thoughts. So what are some of the ways we can overcome these stumbling blocks and setbacks?

So the biggest one for me is I asked myself one question, why not? Oh, that’s great. You know, so if I think about, oh, what if I did this? And instead of my mind kind of racing and telling me all the reasons I shouldn’t, you know, or why I can’t, I asked myself, Well, why not? And then my reasons are not usually good reasons. It’s usually fear, you know, or self doubt or other people’s opinions, you know, fear of other people’s opinions. That’s another one of mine. But I asked myself, why not? And then I just kind of reason with myself in my brain, you know, I kind of talk down my primitive brain. And, you know, I have this internal dialogue. I’m not just listening to the negative self talk, right? But I’m coming at the negative self talk, talking it down and rationalizing with it like, well, let’s really sit down and let’s evaluate this. Let’s talk about this, you know, and I use that part of my brain, the prefrontal cortex, to kind of reassure my lizard brain that I’m okay, you know, this, I’m safe, like, yeah, might not be comfortable, but I am safe. I know. That’s what you’re worried about. And then I’ll be able to set out on a goal and really start believing I can do it like why not, you know, I have no real good reason to keep me from accomplishing this goal.

Claudine
That’s right. Yeah. And, you know, it’s the same for me, that’s my biggest tool for overcoming setbacks and stumbling blocks is really working at the thought level, really getting control of those thoughts. And again, we’ve talked about it before and I’ll talk about it again. But I love that scripture said whatever is pure, whatever is noble, whatever is true, whatever is trustworthy. Think about such things and unfortunately, a lot of our Thoughts are negative, and they’re not pure, and they’re not trustworthy. They’re not for us, and they’re very disempowering. And so I will take out a sheet of paper, and I will write new thoughts that I can work on believing. And if I don’t believe in it yet, then I might have a little stepping stone thought in between it, like, it’s really hard for me, I’m not gonna just go look in the mirror and say, I am the smartest person in the world. Like, that’s not believable for me. But I can say, I am smart and learning new things every day, that’s believable instead of I’m so dumb, I can’t do this.

Ashley
Right. So placing those thoughts.

That’s right, replacing them with thoughts that are more noble, that are more trustworthy, and they’re going to help me have the emotions, I need to take the actions I need to take to get to where I want to go. So that’s been the biggest one. And I love again, the scripture it says, transform your life by renewing your mind, there’s no other way around it right. And to overcome these stumbling blocks and setbacks, we have to work at the thought level. And even deeper the beliefs, there’s some beliefs that are just deeply rooted from our early childhood, our family of origin, yep, that are just in there subconsciously, that we may not be aware of. And I uncovered a few of those that really helped me once I became aware of these subconscious beliefs, then I was able to change those thoughts. And then they weren’t there to be a stumbling block or a setback for me, I was able to overcome. So that’s been the most helpful for me.

That is so true. The thoughts that go on our head. Just, I mean, it really controls our life. It really does. It really controls our emotions, and it really controls taking action or not. In getting certain results in our life that we’re wanting.

100%. And the other things that have helped me has been accountability. You’ve talked about that about talking, speaking about it with other people. Hmm. And I joined business mastermind group a couple years ago, and just that consistency of getting together weekly, and sharing our goals and talking about it together. And then knowing that the next week, I have to get back together with them. And talk about what I did?

Well, I don’t think I thought about it, but

I think it’s a choice. So accountability is really powerful for me. And the other one is just really keeping things simple. Like don’t overcomplicate it, and don’t overthink it. I am like, Master overthinker, like I can overthink things to death, instead of just doing it and learning from the doing, instead of waiting on the thinking.

I like what you said in one of our previous podcast episodes, you said you will think yourself into inactivity, you did, it was a brilliant quote.

I do. I think it’s going back to sitting on that couch and dreaming. I can just think myself into a stupor. Yeah, yeah, I’ve had a lot to overcome.

Yeah, you know, a lot of us do that. I mean, we can overthink, and we can I mean, we essentially talk ourselves out of it,

Claudine
Right? You know, the paralysis of analysis, you start analyzing the whole situation, and then we’re paralyzed. We’re like, Oh, I can’t do that. And, it’s huge for so many of us. So really, again, going back to our thoughts, and really working on that and our beliefs, uprooting the roots of subconscious beliefs that are not serving us any longer, it’s time to just toss them out. There’s nothing we can’t do.

Ashley
Well, a lot of the beliefs that are in our head, we feel our true, right, you know, we really believe them. Because we’ve told them to ourselves over and over and over for however many years we’ve been alive, essentially, you know, I mean, we’ve built up these beliefs. And so it’s become a reality for us, you know, become our world. And that was one huge revelation I had as well, that changed my life is that it’s not true. Even if someone said something, you know, it’s still their opinion, right? No, it’s not a fact. Right? The fact is, is really how God sees us. And that is where our identity and our worst lie is in God, you know, our creation and

Claudine
our confidence,

Ashley
our confidence, as well. And so when we really learned to talk down our brain, you know, that’s how I like to put it, I talked down our brains, I really feel like that’s what I’m doing. My brain is getting all psyched out, you know, especially with anxiety, even it really helps. But I my rational brain, the logical side will kind of come in and start. Okay, let’s, let’s think about this a little bit more. And then it’s been been able to help me make steps towards happiness. You know, I mean, it really changed my life, but thoughts is huge, you know, and the more that we can become aware of those thoughts, you know, that inner dialogue that’s going on in our head, the better off you’ll be, the happier the healthier, you’ll be.

Claudine
Absolutely and We both have personal coaches and mentors in our lives that help us with our thoughts that help us to take action so that we can live life to the full. I mean, we both have gone through challenging times we’ve both risen up are both doing our best to shine right now, but I know

Ashley
We both done the hard work.

Claudine
And I know I wouldn’t have been able to do what I’ve done or be where I am, right without coaches and mentoring. So that’s really a valuable tool for me.

Ashley
Absolutely. And I want to add one more thing, as well as, um, how to reach our goals, you know, overcoming these stumbling blocks is to make a decision, you know, I mean, commit to a goal, you know, even if you need to start with one at a time, or if you can juggle a few at a time, you know, just commit to it go all in, like you know, when you have a goal that pops up in your mind, and you’ve been thinking about it for a little while, then that’s kind of your, you know, your heart saying, Hey, this is something we should probably consider and really try to strive for, and don’t let our brains you know, sabotage, don’t let our brains that are wanting to keep us safe, which have a very well intention, you know, keep us from really living our life fully, you know, life that God designed for us to have. And when we make that commitment, and we choose a goal, and we go all in, and we limit that negative talk that goes on in our heads, it is so amazing and fulfilling and such a blessing to see the possibility, you know, and to walk in those achievements, you know, and being able to show up well for ourselves and then just the overflow of what we are able to pour out to others is just so fulfilling.

Claudine
Yeah, that’s a great point, Ashley. So friends, we have another free printable for you and helping you overcome your stumbling blocks and setbacks and reaching your goals. And you can find that on mindoverchaos.com or claudinesweeney.com.

Ashley
Friends, thank you so much for tuning in with us today. We hope this episode has brought you one step closer to living the life you love. Until next time, remember the world needs who you were made to be.