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Who am I when the kids are grown?

February 23, 20233 min read

Ever feel a little lost and confused now that the kids are gone?

You’ve spent years caring for your family. You have been “Mom” for decades. The truth is you will always be “Mom.” We can feel a little lost when we confuse our identity with our role.

Maybe Mom as been your favorite role to date. More than even wife, daughter, career woman or friend. When the kids grow up and move out, you can suddenly find yourself less needed. And you start to question who you are now that the kids no longer need you like they used to.

Who you are—your identity—is a powerful force in your life and speaks volumes to others who come into contact with you. That’s why it is so important to claim your identity apart from your children.

Your identity plays an important role in the decisions you make and the relationships you have.

Thinking about who you are will strengthen the connections among your mind, body, and behaviors. Also, you can get a better handle of where you are in life now as well as where you’re headed in this next chapter.

If you are struggling with finding your identity, here are some things to consider as basic elements:

1.     Your personal family history. Where you were raised, who you grew up with, and the experiences you had as you matured from an infant all the way through your early adult years are powerful factors affecting the development of your personal identity.

·       However, your history doesn’t have to be the end of the story when it comes to your present identity. An encouraging thing about life is that you can take steps to be the person you want to be at any time.

2.     The “group” of people you hang out with. Much of who you are today can be attributed to the people you most closely affiliate with. Your friends probably share interests in the same kinds of things you find fascinating.

·       Perhaps most of your friends have been fellow moms. Hopefully, you are all entering this new season together to find support and encouragement from one another.

3.     Your physical appearance. Your clothes, hairstyle, and how you conduct yourself physically combine to make up an important aspect of your personal identity. Although your appearance isn’t the only thing that’s relevant about who you are, the fact is that your physical state provides people with a picture of who you are.

·       You may have spent years in comfy, casual mom clothes for all the running around you did. This is a great time to reinvent your style (or find one if you never had one.)

4.     Your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about you. Your identity and self-image is made up of how you feel about yourself as an individual. Also, what you believe to be true about yourself is a powerful force in determining your personal identity.

·       For example, if you believe you’re an overweight, unattractive person, then you might unconsciously portray those characteristics toward others.

·       But if you see yourself as someone who’s giving and growing forward, you present a more positive identity to others.

·       What you think and feel, and how you show up in your life are major aspects of your overall identity.

Make it a point to ponder who you are. Recognize that your personal identity is a complex mix of your history, affiliations, and thoughts and beliefs about yourself. How you appear to others is also representative of your identity.

Realize that you have considerable power to influence the type of identity you possess and how you walk forward in making the second half of life the best half.

If you need some support and help rediscovering who you are apart from “Mom,” I can help.

I coach empty nest moms who are ready to go from stuck and complacent to courage and capable in creating a life they love. Are you ready to make the second half the best half?

Schedule a FREE call HERE.



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