We have thoughts about our spouse (and our other primary relationships) that affect the way we feel about them. Some of these thoughts are conscious and some are automatic, default thoughts that have a negative impact on our relationship.

While this is written primarily for a spouse, I have found these to be helpful in ALL my relationships, including those with my adult children, other family members, friends and coworkers. May these help you as much as they have helped me

25 Power Thoughts

1.     I am learning how to communicate my needs more effectively every day

2.     I listen twice as much as I speak

3.     I seek to understand what my spouse is trying to say

4.     I forgive as often as needed

5.     I honor the free will of my spouse to think and act differently than I do

6.     I choose to be curious instead of critical

7.     I communicate my expectations, so I won’t be disappointed when my spouse doesn’t read my mind

8.     I seek to own my part of the disagreement, instead of pointing the finger

9.     I support my spouse in his dreams and goals (even when I don’t share it)

10. I keep my mind on things that will build up and not tear down

11. I communicate my hurts and disappointments with “I statements”

12. I practice empathy by trying to understand my spouse’s perspective and feelings

13. I intentionally plan and spend meaningful time together without distractions.

14. I actively work on growing my patience muscle

15. I seek to resolve conflicts with my spouse quickly and respectfully

16. I express appreciation daily for specific things my spouse does

17. I embrace compromise as a way to strengthen my relationship

18. I take actions that foster trust with my spouse

19. I am responsible for my emotions only; I do not carry the weight of other’s emotions

20. I choose to be vulnerable with my thoughts and feelings

21. I wake up every morning with fresh grace and compassion

22. I choose to laugh at the days to come

23. I treat my spouse as I would like to be treated

24. I seek to weather challenges together instead of as opponents

25. I maintain my own identity and purpose in being my best self

And 10 Powerful Thought Swaps

1.     He doesn’t love me – He loves me in his way and I need to communicate my needs more clearly so he can love me as I desire

2.     He really bugs me – I am learning what triggers me so I can communicate honestly and respectfully about those trigger

3.     He is doing this all wrong – There is no right way. There is my way, his way and many other ways

4.     I am frustrated by what he says and does –I choose curiosity instead of criticism about his behavior

5.     I can’t imagine spending a lifetime like this – I take one day at a time and know that we are both growing

6.     He does everything wrong – He doesn’t do “Everything” wrong and I choose to focus on the things he does right!

7.     Why do I always have to be the one? – It is my responsibility to create a relationship I desire

8.     He makes me so angry – I am responsible for my own emotions and behavior; no one “makes” me feel or act in a certain way.

9.     He doesn’t encourage me – I don’t expect him to be the only source of encouragement

10. Whatever I do is not good enough – I do my best and allow him to feel what he wants to feel without carrying the weight of his emotions

Do you have power thoughts that help you already?

If you are stuck in default negative thoughts and need help with some powerful thought swaps, I can help. SCHEDULE a free chat and let’s see if we can create new thoughts that will benefit you and your relationship!